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06/24/2003 Archived Entry: "a new form of introspection."

I am not: as alone as I think I am
I hurt: the people I should protect and love, but mostly myself.
I love: my friends and family and the way the moon shines high in the sky and the way fresh oatmeal cookies taste and the smell of spiced tea and singing and squishing clay or mud or silly putty between my fingers
I hate: feeling helpless, hopeless, and homeless
I fear: hurting those I care about the most...and ferris wheels.
I forget: nearly everything short term and things I wish to remember as well as things I wish to forget
I remember: nearly everything long term and things I wish to remember as well as things I wish to forget
I imagine: many many things
I hope: for a brighter present and a brighter future
I crave: chocolate...and somewhere where I am understood and where I fit
I regret: very little, or at least I try to.
I care: about a lot of things.
I always: try and see things from perspectives outside of my own.
I want: to find a reason for existing.
I feel alone: a lot. But then at the same time, not a lot. It's weird.
I listen: to a lot of depressing music XD
I hide: the truth but not the facts
I pretend: that I'm no different from the masses
I drive: for fun with the windows down and the music up
I sing: with my true emotions.
I cry: silently
I destroy: alot unintentionally.
I dance: when no one is around.
I write: not very often. I always feel like one day I'll regret the person I was.
I wake: after eating something or taking a shower...though I wish I was still dreaming.
I breathe: fierce winds before storms
I play: as often as I can
I venture: with a lot of love and support at my back
I find: that I'm not as alone as I think I am
I pray: for all the things I hope for. A brighter present and future
I miss: something that I can't even describe and sometimes I don't even think I know
I kiss: my mother goodnight when I know I'll miss her
I succeed: at being kind...most of the time
I search: for a reason to be.
I learn: that life is a very simple complex thing
I feel: very often moody
I know: that I barely understand anything
I joke: in kindness and never in spite
I say: a many positive things as possible
I change: frequently
I fail: at feeling human
I dream: of things that aren't my own.
I believe: that if ruled by kindness and understanding that I will make the world a better place
I wonder: how deep my roots go. how far my past reaches. where else has my soul been or is going to be.
I want: the people I care about to be happy
I worry: that I'm crazy
I wish: that I understood who I am, who I was, and who I'm going to be.
I fight: for preserving the beautiful things in life
I need: acceptance, love, and a smack over the head once in a while.
I am: a person who thinks way to much and concludes way too little.